It is unfathomable how fast the time goes. I truly CANNOT believe this picture was FIVE whole years ago. I have been thinking lately how I want to document a little about each of the girls' births for them before I forget all the small details and what better time than now...
Mae: When we found out we were pregnant with you, we could not
be more thrilled! I had had a
miscarriage a few months prior, so we were so ready to be parents when you came
along! Before we even knew you were a
girl we had your name picked out—MaeLee Ann, Mae because we loved that name,
Lee after Daddy's middle name and Ann after mine and Grandma Laurie's middle
names—and throughout the whole pregnancy we never changed our mind (which is a
rarity for us). Everyone was so excited
to have you on your way. I was
especially excited to have you be born while your Great-Great Grandma Elma was
around and for you to be her first blood great-great grandchild. I had a healthy pregnancy with you with no
big problems or complications besides the regular morning sickness in the first
trimester and some headaches in the second, and some occasional bouts where my
blood pressure would drop for a few minutes.
Your daddy was very protective of you even while you were inside my
tummy. He always wanted me to eat
healthy and take care of myself so that you would be just perfect when it was
time for you to "pop" out. He
went to pretty much every doctor's appointment with me, which is something not
a lot of dads do. Both me and your daddy
were able to feel you move pretty early—and you loved to squirm around. You would get the hiccups usually every day
in the morning while I was working and usually they lasted for quite a
while. One night while watching a Jazz
game your daddy yelled out about something that had happened and it startled
you so bad that you jumped inside of me!
He took it down a notch after that!
We had so much fun getting your crib and room set up and your daddy
insisted on making it just right for you to come home to.
At my last doctor's appointment, Dr. Griffith had set me up
to come in the following Monday (the day after my first official Mother's Day)
to be induced and finally have you here!
Grandma Laurie, Grandpa Frankie, Grandma Barbara and Grandpa Gary all
drove down the day before so they could be here for your big day. I was scheduled to go in at 7:00am and have
my water broke and start the labor process.
I made sure I had everything I would need and your dad picked out a few
different outfits, since we didn't know how big you would be, to bring you home
in. I woke up around 5:00am (what I
should say is "got" up, as I didn't do much sleeping that night) and
took a hot bath and tried to prepare myself for what was going to happen that
day. I was soooooooo excited, but I was
also nervous too. I had nothing to
compare it to and didn't really know what to expect. Around 6:30am just as we were getting ready
to go, a nurse from the hospital called and told me not to come yet—as there
was NO room for us—one of the perks of a small town hospital—and that they
would call us back and tell us when we could come. We waited all day and the more I waited, the
more nervous and anxious I got! Finally
around 5:00PM (talk about a LONG day) they called and told us to come on over
now! YAY!!! Me and your dad left our house for the last
time with there just being the two of us!
When we got to the hospital, I changed and they got me
all hooked up to all kinds of fancy machines and then my doctor broke my
water. I had been contracting steady for
the past couple of days, but when my water was broke, the contractions started
getting more intense, but not horribly painful.
Me and your dad hung out, read, watched a few movies and talked about
how excited we were as I progressed. I
did pretty well on my own for a while, but finally they decided to give me a
little Pitocin to get things going a little faster. After they gave me that, I started to feel
the contractions coming a lot harder and faster—and it did not feel good. I decided at that point I was ready for the
epidural (which I had always been planning on).
I was a nervous for the epidural, but they anesthetist walked us through
the whole thing and your dad even watched him do it. Once that was in I felt GREAT! Everyone came to visit while we waited and we
had such a wonderful time waiting for you!
Although it seemed to go so fast, looking back on it now, I realize it
actually took a lot longer than I remember.
Around 3:00am or so I was finally dilated to a 10 and it was time to PUSH! The rest of the family was just outside our
hospital room, and your dad stayed right by my side, as I started to push. The epidural worked wonders and I felt no
pain—in fact, I had a hard time even knowing if I was pushing or not! We joked and laughed with the nurses and
doctors, and the rest of the family through the curtain waiting outside. As I continued to push, your heartbeat
started to drop with each contraction and so for a while they had me hold off
on pushing and rest. Finally, we tried
again and YOUR WERE BORN! We found out
at that point that your cord was wrapped around your neck twice and that is why
your heartbeat kept dropping. The doctor
unraveled you with no problems and you cried for maybe a couple seconds and
that was it and then you just looked around with your big beautiful eyes. They placed you on my chest, while your daddy
cut the cord, and I remember looking at you and thinking "Oh my gosh! There really was a baby in there after
all." This became the most
spiritual experience I have ever had as I touched you for the first time. The spirit was so palpable in that room. If I hadn't believed in God before then, I
definitely would have at that moment. The
nurses took you then, cleaned you up good and fast and made sure you were
healthy and then held you up for the rest of the family to see as the doctor
announced we had a baby "Koala"
while the doctor finished with me, and then they gave you back to
me. Everyone came in at that time and to
meet and hold you for the first time.
Although daddy had a hard time giving you up, everyone got to love on
you for a few minutes and you probably had your picture taken about a thousand times. Finally, the nurses instructed me that now
would be a good time to try and feed you.
Your dad told everyone that it was time for you to eat and that they
needed to go. You latched right on with
no problem and started eating. Your dad
was right by me the whole time and both of us just kept saying how we had never
seen a more beautiful baby. When you
were done eating, we both just sat and stared at you, and you back at us for
about two hours. We check out all your
little fingers, toes, ears and all the fuzz you had on your furry little body. The whole time, you never let out a squeal, just looked around at
the world. You looked like a little glow worm, all wrapped up tight and staring
up at us with those big eyes. Around 5:30am, the nurses took you away to get
you cleaned up, we moved into our new room and slept til about 7:00am before they
came to take my blood and give me some breakfast. We were sooooooo tired, but when they brought
you back into us, all clean and smelling sooooo good with a bright pink bow in
your dark curly hair, the excitement started all over again. The family all came back and the pictures
started all over again! That day, you
had your first poop—and boy was it a messy one!
I laid back in my bed while your dad did the honor and went through a whole
package of wipes and a new shirt for you—and just smiled! The rest of the hospital stay went by in a
big blur with LOTS of visitors and never enough sleep. On Wednesday we were released home. The nurse (and my boss at the time) escorted
us to the car to make sure we had the carseat installed. You seemed so tiny and fragile as we strapped
you in the carseat for the first time.
We lived only like two minutes from the hospital at that time, but
having you in the car made us so nervous to drive in that short distance. Your dad drove the slowest I've ever seen him
go. When we got home, I remember how
cute your dad was as he took you on a tour of the house, making sure to show
you your new room we had worked so hard on.
In the evening, your Nana and Papa came over and together all of us
watched your first Jazz game.
Later on, we got you all dressed in your jammies and put
you to bed in your pack and play at the foot of our bed, so thrilled to have
you as ours and finally home. Around
4:00am that same night, I was up feeding you.
After you ate, as newborns do, you pooped and I was changing your diaper
when all of a sudden you kind of gagged and stopped breathing. I watched you and waited for you to start
breathing, but it never happened. You
started to turning blue and I started to panic.
I yelled to your dad that you were not breathing and from a dead sleep,
he leapt out of bed. I didn't know what
to do, but your dad ran directly out to the front room to get the aspirator and
I don't even know how he remembered where it was, especially having just woke
up. While he was grabbing it, I grabbed
you and turned you over on your stomach in my hand and slapped your back, as
hard as I dared, hoping that would dislodge something, if anything was
obstructing your breathing. Your dad got
there with the aspirator and we sucked your nose and mouth out and somewhere
along the way, thankfully, you started breathing again. By this time I was a mess. I told your dad we were going back to the
hospital again…We threw on clothes and your cute dad got the carseat all ready
to load you up. I informed your dad that
at 4:00am in the morning, with my baby who had stopped breathing, that I was
NOT taking the time to load you up and stick you in the backseat of the car. I held you against my chest, constantly
checking to make sure you were still breathing.
It was at that moment when I realized the weight being a mother has on
you. For the rest of my life I will
worry about you, every second of every day.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I
told your dad that I didn't think I could do this, be a mom and worry about you
all the time and he very simply responded, "Well it’s a little late for
that now." Once we got to the ER, it
then proceeded to be the longest day of my life. After hours in the ER, the pediatrician
decided that they would keep you in the ICU with me and your dad and monitor
you for the next three days. Your white
blood count was a little elevated, which could have been a sign of infection or
can happen when a baby has a stressful birth. To be on the safe side, the
doctor wanted to start some antibiotics until we knew for sure if it was an
infection or not. The whole rest of the
hospital stay was horrible, absolutely horrible. They hooked you up to all kinds of monitors
that would beep constantly because as it turns out, it they were not designed
for babies. I was afraid to ever leave
you because the few times I did to run home and shower or something, your
heartbeat would drop. They took a bunch
of blood samples and urine samples and you were so little and fragile. Your poor dad got stuck with being in there
as they pricked and poke and prodded you because I couldn't be there and he
didn't want you to be alone. Your IV's
kept going bad, so they kept having to redo them and go through it all again. The night before went home, your IV went bad again and I just about lost it. Grandma Laurie was there at that time and she
stayed with you while your dad took my out to calm me down. I kept telling him that I was just going take
you home now, unhook all the machines and be done with all of this. But your logical (to a fault) dad convinced
me that you were where you needed to be and we needed to stay. FINALLY, that department had called a nurse
from the nursery to come and help them.
When she saw what they had done to you, even she was upset. She just kept saying "Why didn't they
come get me sooner?" She informed
us that all the machines were not even for babies and that is why we kept
getting all those bad readings and were basically useless. At that point, the nurses decided to forego
the IV and gave you shots of antibiotics instead. When we came back in after the shots, you
were crying so hard and so was I. I
grabbed you and held you to my chest and did not let you go. I was so upset at that point that one of the
nurses asked me at that moment if she needed to call my doctor to get me something…let's
just say I was a little embarrassed.
That night they got you hooked up to actual baby machines and I
eventually calmed down. The rest of the
hospital stay was not as eventful as the first couple days. We watched a movie and learned how to do CPR
in case so that we would be prepared if heaven forbid something happened when
we took you home. The thought of leaving
the hospital, while I hated it there, terrified me. We also got you all set up with an apnea
monitor that would beep if you stopped breathing or your heart stopped. While I felt so much better having that
monitor on you, that first night back home I was soooooooo scared. I couldn't sleep before 4:00am because I felt
like if I could just get past the time it had happened before then I could make
it—and guess what, WE MADE IT! I still
got anxious for months when it was time for bed and we kept the monitor on you
for a good three months before I dared take it off. We loved you so instantly and in just those
few hours of having you could not imagine our lives without you anymore.
I know I am the mom and should be the one teaching you,
but Mae you have been the one to teach me even more about being kind and a good
friend. I am so proud of who you are and I feel so blessed to be your
mom. I am grateful you are mine EVERY
day! We love you infinity! Don't grow up too fast baby!
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