This year I was lucky enough to share Mother's Day with Mae's actual birthday and it was such a special day to reflect on the day I became a mother while celebrating Mae's 4th birthday! It was Mae's first time singing with the primary in sacrament also today and she was soooooo excited to get up there--and she did soooooo great! We could just barely see the top of her face, but she made sure we were watching the whole time and sang her little heart out! How could Mother's Day get any better than that?!!!
I have been thinking a lot lately about each of the girl's pregnancies and births and how I really want to document them for the girls before I start forgetting the little details that made each one so special…and I can think of no better time to share Mae's with her now...
Mae:
When we found out we were pregnant with you, we could not be more thrilled! I had had a miscarriage a few months prior, so we were so ready to be parents when you came along! Before we even knew you were a girl we had your name picked out—MaeLee Ann, Mae because we loved that name, Lee after Daddy's middle name and Ann after mine and Grandma Laurie's middle names—and throughout the whole pregnancy we never changed our mind (which is a rarity for us). Everyone was so excited to have you on your way. I was especially excited to have you be born while your Great-Great Grandma Elma was around and for you to be her first blood great-great grandchild. I had a healthy pregnancy with you with no big problems or complications besides the regular morning sickness in the first trimester and some headaches in the second, and some occasional bouts where my blood pressure would drop for a few minutes. Your daddy was very protective of you even while you were inside my tummy. He always wanted me to eat healthy and take care of myself so that you would be just perfect when it was time for you to "pop" out. He went to pretty much every doctor's appointment with me, which is something not a lot of dads do. Both me and your daddy were able to feel you move pretty early—and you loved to squirm around. You would get the hiccups usually every day in the morning while I was working and usually they lasted for quite a while. One night while watching a Jazz game your daddy yelled out about something that had happened and it startled you so bad that you jumped inside of me! He took it down a notch after that! We had so much fun getting your crib and room set up and your daddy insisted on making it just right for you to come home to.
At my last doctor's appointment, Dr. Griffith had set me up to come in the following Monday (the day after my first official Mother's Day) to be induced and finally have you here! Grandma Laurie, Grandpa Frankie, Grandma Barbara and Grandpa Gary all drove down the day before so they could be here for your big day. I was scheduled to go in at 7:00am and have my water broke and start the labor process. I made sure I had everything I would need and your dad picked out a few different outfits, since we didn't know how big you would be, to bring you home in. I woke up around 5:00am (what I should say is "got" up, as I didn't do much sleeping that night) and took a hot bath and tried to prepare myself for what was going to happen that day. I was soooooooo excited, but I was also nervous too. I had nothing to compare it to and didn't really know what to expect. Around 6:30am just as we were getting ready to go, a nurse from the hospital called and told me not to come yet—as there was NO room for us—one of the perks of a small town hospital—and that they would call us back and tell us when we could come. We waited all day and the more I waited, the more nervous and anxious I got! Finally around 5:00PM (talk about a LONG day) they called and told us to come on over now! YAY!!! Me and your dad left our house for the last time with there just being the two of us!
When we got to the hospital, I changed and they got me all hooked up to all kinds of fancy machines and then my doctor broke my water. I had been contracting steady for the past couple of days, but when my water was broke, the contractions started getting more intense, but not horribly painful. Me and your dad hung out, read, watched a few movies and talked about how excited we were as I progressed. I did pretty well on my own for a while, but finally they decided to give me a little Pitocin to get things going a little faster. After they gave me that, I started to feel the contractions coming a lot harder and faster—and it did not feel good. I decided at that point I was ready for the epidural (which I had always been planning on). I was a nervous for the epidural, but they anesthetist walked us through the whole thing and your dad even watched him do it. Once that was in I felt GREAT! Everyone came to visit while we waited and we had such a wonderful time waiting for you! Although it seemed to go so fast, looking back on it now, I realize it actually took a lot longer than I remember. Around 3:00am or so I was finally dilated to a 10 and it was time to PUSH! The rest of the family was just outside our hospital room, and your dad stayed right by my side, as I started to push. The epidural worked wonders and I felt no pain—in fact, I had a hard time even knowing if I was pushing or not! We joked and laughed with the nurses and doctors, and the rest of the family through the curtain waiting outside. As I continued to push, your heartbeat started to drop with each contraction and so for a while they had me hold off on pushing and rest. Finally, we tried again and YOUR WERE BORN! We found out at that point that your cord was wrapped around your neck twice and that is why your heartbeat kept dropping. The doctor unraveled you with no problems and you cried for maybe a couple seconds and that was it and then you just looked around with your big beautiful eyes. They placed you on my chest, while your daddy cut the cord, and I remember looking at you and thinking "Oh my gosh! There really was a baby in there after all." This became the most spiritual experience I have ever had as I touched you for the first time. The spirit was so palpable in that room. If I hadn't believed in God before then, I definitely would have at that moment. The nurses took you then, cleaned you up good and fast and made sure you were healthy and then held you up for the rest of the family to see as the doctor announced we had a baby "Koala" while the doctor finished with me, and then they gave you back to me. Everyone came in at that time and to meet and hold you for the first time. Although daddy had a hard time giving you up, everyone got to love on you for a few minutes and you probably had your picture taken about a thousand times. Finally, the nurses instructed me that now would be a good time to try and feed you. Your dad told everyone that it was time for you to eat and that they needed to go. You latched right on with no problem and started eating. Your dad was right by me the whole time and both of us just kept saying how we had never seen a more beautiful baby. When you were done eating, we both just sat and stared at you, and you back at us for about two hours. We check out all your little fingers, toes, ears and all the fuzz you had on your furry little body. The whole time, you never let out a squeal, just looked around at the world. You looked like a little glow worm, all wrapped up tight and staring up at us with those big eyes. Around 5:30am, the nurses took you away to get you cleaned up, we moved into our new room and slept til about 7:00am before they came to take my blood and give me some breakfast. We were sooooooo tired, but when they brought you back into us, all clean and smelling sooooo good with a bright pink bow in your dark curly hair, the excitement started all over again. The family all came back and the pictures started all over again! That day, you had your first poop—and boy was it a messy one! I laid back in my bed while your dad did the honor and went through a whole package of wipes and a new shirt for you—and just smiled! The rest of the hospital stay went by in a big blur with LOTS of visitors and never enough sleep. On Wednesday we were released home. The nurse (and my boss at the time) escorted us to the car to make sure we had the carseat installed. You seemed so tiny and fragile as we strapped you in the carseat for the first time. We lived only like two minutes from the hospital at that time, but having you in the car made us so nervous to drive in that short distance. Your dad drove the slowest I've ever seen him go. When we got home, I remember how cute your dad was as he took you on a tour of the house, making sure to show you your new room we had worked so hard on. In the evening, your Nana and Papa came over and together all of us watched your first Jazz game.
Later on, we got you all dressed in your jammies and put you to bed in your pack and play at the foot of our bed, so thrilled to have you as ours and finally home. Around 4:00am that same night, I was up feeding you. After you ate, as newborns do, you pooped and I was changing your diaper when all of a sudden you kind of gagged and stopped breathing. I watched you and waited for you to start breathing, but it never happened. You started to turning blue and I started to panic. I yelled to your dad that you were not breathing and from a dead sleep, he leapt out of bed. I didn't know what to do, but your dad ran directly out to the front room to get the aspirator and I don't even know how he remembered where it was, especially having just woke up. While he was grabbing it, I grabbed you and turned you over on your stomach in my hand and slapped your back, as hard as I dared, hoping that would dislodge something, if anything was obstructing your breathing. Your dad got there with the aspirator and we sucked your nose and mouth out and somewhere along the way, thankfully, you started breathing again. By this time I was a mess. I told your dad we were going back to the hospital again…We threw on clothes and your cute dad got the carseat all ready to load you up. I informed your dad that at 4:00am in the morning, with my baby who had stopped breathing, that I was NOT taking the time to load you up and stick you in the backseat of the car. I held you against my chest, constantly checking to make sure you were still breathing. It was at that moment when I realized the weight being a mother has on you. For the rest of my life I will worry about you, every second of every day. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I told your dad that I didn't think I could do this, be a mom and worry about you all the time and he very simply responded, "Well it’s a little late for that now." Once we got to the ER, it then proceeded to be the longest day of my life. After hours in the ER, the pediatrician decided that they would keep you in the ICU with me and your dad and monitor you for the next three days. Your white blood count was a little elevated, which could have been a sign of infection or can happen when a baby has a stressful birth. To be on the safe side, the doctor wanted to start some antibiotics until we knew for sure if it was an infection or not. The whole rest of the hospital stay was horrible, absolutely horrible. They hooked you up to all kinds of monitors that would beep constantly because as it turns out, it they were not designed for babies. I was afraid to ever leave you because the few times I did to run home and shower or something, your heartbeat would drop. They took a bunch of blood samples and urine samples and you were so little and fragile. Your poor dad got stuck with being in there as they pricked and poke and prodded you because I couldn't be there and he didn't want you to be alone. Your IV's kept going bad, so they kept having to redo them and go through it all again. The night before went home, your IV went bad again and I just about lost it. Grandma Laurie was there at that time and she stayed with you while your dad took my out to calm me down. I kept telling him that I was just going take you home now, unhook all the machines and be done with all of this. But your logical (to a fault) dad convinced me that you were where you needed to be and we needed to stay. FINALLY, that department had called a nurse from the nursery to come and help them. When she saw what they had done to you, even she was upset. She just kept saying "Why didn't they come get me sooner?" She informed us that all the machines were not even for babies and that is why we kept getting all those bad readings and were basically useless. At that point, the nurses decided to forego the IV and gave you shots of antibiotics instead. When we came back in after the shots, you were crying so hard and so was I. I grabbed you and held you to my chest and did not let you go. I was so upset at that point that one of the nurses asked me at that moment if she needed to call my doctor to get me something…let's just say I was a little embarrassed. That night they got you hooked up to actual baby machines and I eventually calmed down. The rest of the hospital stay was not as eventful as the first couple days. We watched a movie and learned how to do CPR in case so that we would be prepared if heaven forbid something happened when we took you home. The thought of leaving the hospital, while I hated it there, terrified me. We also got you all set up with an apnea monitor that would beep if you stopped breathing or your heart stopped. While I felt so much better having that monitor on you, that first night back home I was soooooooo scared. I couldn't sleep before 4:00am because I felt like if I could just get past the time it had happened before then I could make it—and guess what, WE MADE IT! I still got anxious for months when it was time for bed and we kept the monitor on you for a good three months before I dared take it off. We loved you so instantly and in just those few hours of having you could not imagine our lives without you anymore.
I feel so truly blessed to have you Mae! Even when you are a mom yourself, I'm sure you won't realize just how much you are loved by me and your dad. Thank you for being the person you are and NEVER forget how proud of you we are and how much we love you! 
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